Words said in defense cut to the heart and wound in return. google 'big surprise sarcasm might actually be good for you' as the filter will not let me post the link. I laughed and said, “Deal! “Interesting! Plus, you have to do it with a good and kind heart.”. I don’t invite him to all my meetings because I know that some people have a hard time with his sarcasm, but you have to admit, he had some great thoughts. Using sarcasm almost always makes a bad situation worse. If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, cut out sarcasm. She especially didn’t like what Granddad’s words did to her children. Because on this side, it isn’t helping all the time, sometimes it’s hurting. Embarrassed me. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but I knew, as did others in the room, that the spirit of the conversation had shifted; and not in a good way. I couldn't agree with you more. New research concludes that people who use sarcasm are smarter than those who don't. I guess he just finds that sarcasm is preferable to telling people outright what he thinks of their stupid moves, poor performance, or bad decisions. Although someone may … It would be like living without junk food! The sooner you accept it the sooner it will be ok. They don’t think it has a place in their culture.”. Tropes. But to work, crossing over that ugly hurtful line has to be avoided. After all, when you come right down to it, sarcasm can be used as a subtle form of bullying—and most bullies are angry, insecure, or cowardly. People using are angry or frustrated, don’t trust the other person (or themselves) … it is the people who don't understand what it is like to be different and unique, the people who think we should all be carbon copies that make sarcasm a touchy subject and make people like me absolutely terrified to say the wrong thing. I hate watching comedy movies because its really a sign of the times. Synonym Discussion of sarcasm. Dreams have been described as dress rehearsals for real life, opportunities to gratify wishes, and a form of nocturnal therapy. See more ideas about household hacks, good to know, useful life hacks. Is there any research on this? We were in New York City! Would love to see some references to real research instead of all these opinions. Why You're More Sensitive Than Most People, The Beneficial Use of Humor in Psychotherapy, 3 Ways to Stay Cool in the Face of Sarcasm, You're Awesome! You could have dedicated your life to modifying the sarcasm and ‘atte-toods’ there and probably gotten nowhere.”. Does that offend you? These words can never have the excuse: “I was just kidding.”. In essence, sarcasm is easy (as is most anger, criticism and meanness) while true, harmless wit takes talent. honestly, this article wasn't made for sarcasm lovers like you. Indeed. In later years (I am 60), I might try to clarify a statement (because most words have more than one meaning) by asking if the person meant a or b. He looked me square in the eye and said, “You showed me your paper on Behavior Modification, and I saw your books. An important lesson I learned was that people have to monitor sarcasm. I know how to use sarcasm, but I can’t interpret it if someone uses it on me. If they think it's funny - no problem, but I feel hurt by the defensive one's response. I know what healthy sarcasm is and that the world could do with a little bit but we're talking 1 part per 10,000. and just because someone doesn't have the same kind of humor as you, it doesn't give you the right to force that kind of humor on you. If they are too unpredictable and use a lot of sarcasm, I disengage from them as I will not be able to follow a conversation with someone who is frequently sarcastic. In other words, s uck it up and deal with it. It may just be better used sparingly—like a potent spice in cooking. Obviously... http:// notable.ca/big-surprise-harvard-study-shows-that-sarcasm-is-actually-good-for-you/. the general consensus in the science of psychology is that sarcasm, used routinely as a form of communication, is done for the reasons stated. Now, what are your other two wishes?”. There is a difference between sardonic dry wit and ridicule. If you think that they’ll be putting aside their sarcastic ways to please people, … If you or someone else is screwing up on the court, why not focus on improving your game (or helping the other person improve his), rather than hurling insults? . Thus, in general, there is little need to administer them with steady doses of sarcasm. All i'm trying to say is there are people who can take it and if you cant take it don't dish it out and be yourself because it is people like the author of this article who make me feel like I live in a world that I don't belong in when they say I shouldn't use sarcasm (I cried while reading this article) PEOPLE SARCASM IS NOT THE ENEMY!!!!!! Sarcastic Person smiled. Sure that’s the case in the short term, but I think that more long-term damage is done to the one doing the wounding. Because we filter out what we really want to say, Nothing original is created because everyone is clinging to the latest scrap of cool joke slang bullshit. You bet it did! It filled her with negativity, or sarcasm was the behavior displaying to the world who she was inside. It's sparring. Every interaction I had with her drew me further and further away until I reached the boiling point where I could no longer bear being in her unappealing presence. Your observations are very astute. So, in real life, used on the same person over and over, especially if it's your partner, it IS bullying and a very weak way to keep the other person feeling insecure and shit! It went on to explain that sarcasm is a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain. Kids can't understand it properly and super senior citizens will find it offensive. I was wondering if you lost my number. He looked at me and said, “Not really. Let’s talk about those knocks. Good morning world! Words have an impact the moment they are said, and they can’t be UNSAID. sarcastically). What Are the Main Values of a Narcissist? Half of the time, people feel the need to talk about useful… Like any linguistic tool, it can indeed be used at inappropriate moments though. you see? Witty statements are usually in response to someone’s unhelpful remarks or behaviors, and the intent is to unravel and clarify the issue by accentuating its absurdities. Whether sarcasm is a sign of intelligence … I think we all can agree that the new generation is mired in sarcastic "snarkiness.". Do you yield the point, debate the Sarcastist, or just let things slide? and you want them to accept smart-asses? That was the only good thing about it. Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., is Clinical Director of The Lazarus Institute. you're an example of one of the things that's wrong with this world in this day and age: making other people feel bad by hiding behind sarcasm and using humor as an excuse to antagonize them. Also, if people push back you have to be open and willing to apologize for using sarcasm. Sarcastic comments from exhausted, pissed-off flyers flew like daggers at the crew. Make yourself at home! And you know what? Jaded from prior experiences labeled ‘teasing’ and ‘just a joke’, I railed against anything that smacked of sarcasm. It's actually very complicated. Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings “My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where I don’t even know … He joked, “You should have stayed in Philly. This is a mean and damned cruel world & I want my millions, my nappy & my medication right now! This American ‘sarcasm thing’ doesn’t allow for that, does it? In reality, most people prefer not to go head to head with a Sarcastist, and in doing so conversations are less fruitful and enlightening. Clients include executives and leaders from dozens of Fortune 100 corporations and leadership in the top agencies in the public sector. Thank you so much for this very uninteresting article stating your opinion. Usually, it’s the universe knocking. Now if I don't know you and I see you drop a plate of food and I say to YOU "Good hands Shaq" am I being sarcastic, a bully? If we constantly hide from all pain, all negative feelings, we never learn to deal with them, and that is hardly psychologically healthy. I acknowledged that I had been thinking about it lately saying, “I think it’s dangerous. If you want to know why sarcasm has now become a meaningful way to express one’s feelings, you have to familiarize yourself with them. Last night because of his flight delay, he went to his dad’s home, only to be met with sarcastic comments, one after another. Can’t you take a joke?” and then another blow, “Well, aren’t we just a ray of super sensitive sunshine?” they laughed. Sarcasm lacks empathy for the Wounded One and centers on the Sarcastist making their points with very little thought to the impact on others. As Aristotle pointed out, irony frequently ‘implies contempt’ for its target and therefore it must be used carefully. He did say use it sparingly! It's a game, and sometimes games end in hurt feelings, no matter how sportsmanlike both parties are. We have to get one! Those of us that might use sarcasm, myself included, are likely not prone to give a damn. Alternatively, when a person stops voicing negative comments, especially sarcastic and critical ones, he or she may soon start to feel happier and more self-confident. The advertisements contained in this post do not necessarily reflect my opinions nor are they endorsed by me. As is the case with most things human, it depends. Am I getting push-back? You look like shit. it's really ironic that you get all pissed off about people who whine about sarcasm and you telling them to get used to it when you were whining yourself. That's life, cupcake. Again, what is the intention? We both laughed. Sarcasm indicates affection. Third - It's clear that you just don't get it. I was vehement that we should try to completely eradicate it, but, thinking that sarcasm would die anytime soon is very Polly-Anna-ish. We’ve compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm. OR, Macho Law forbids me from admitting I’m wrong. I am sure this reply is way too late to help you for your presentation you mentioned, but if you have future presentations please feel free to utilize this article as needed. For this white paper, I circled back to one of the guys who were in that meeting. She is respected for her extensive knowledge of accountability and executing strategic goals, as well as influencing strategies, strategic planning, behavior modification processes, sales and peak performance management expertise, and negotiation tactics. Yes, it was a little funny so I smiled and let it slide. Belittled me. Each of these memes in this collection can surely brighten up your day- we promise! When I was sixteen, I was the target of a great “sarcastist” (our new word for a sarcastic person). I mentioned that I thought sarcasm was a narcissist tendency. Promises were made to keep sarcasm “in-house”. If they don't feel good with your sarcasm tone, you shouldn't use it. Like other forms of bullying, people who support it utilize as an excuse to use humor to antagonize others. Sarcasm can be even more deadly in an ongoing relationship. Tear your own flesh, but don’t rip mine. I was very happy to leave the room. Sarcastic statements are expressed in a cutting manner; witty remarks are delivered with undisguised and (usually) harmless humor. The gentleman next to me started a conversation about the delays. I am not good at snappy, nasty comebacks just awful at verbal one-upmanship. The special bond that your kids could have had with their grandfather isn’t there. I think it can be somewhat of a narcissistic trait if the person slinging the sarcasm lacks empathy and good kind judgment. Experts say yes, but it depends on who is on the receiving end. Constantly. Sarcasm can be making uncertainty seem very certain, in fact, already done and that it was easy to determine. Jun 15, 2019 - Explore Jatin Mistry's board "sarcastic ecards", followed by 111 people on Pinterest. Approaching Sarcasm in Relationships – The Right Way Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived. because I know that my good friends will understand and accept my sarcasm because i'm actually more self conscious of myself when i'm around people who I cant use sarcasm with. It’s just better used sparingly – like a potent spice in cooking. if you want people to stop whining about sarcasm, then why don't you get your ass off here by refraining from whining about them? to a parent, boss, or community leader), the sarcasm isn’t appropriate. Sometimes a person chooses to believe the worst, or simply does not believe a gentle alternative exists. In practice, these sarcastic comments would NOT be okay: “Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?”. I love hanging out with sarcastic people. My parents are sarcastic,my siblings are sarcastic, my family is sarcastic, and so are my friends. The key, as with everything, is moderation and discretion. Tell you what, I think what happened was uncivil and mean. It's good to know how to answer these questions becasue they always seem to come up Let's break down a list of common accusations about God, and address them one by one. Sound like the foundation of any great relationship to you? The interesting thing about coincidences is that there are rarely any. And don't hesitate to tell others that you don't appreciate their sarcastic comments, either. OR. I hope this prompts you to do the same. Despite its overtly hostile tone you do raise an interesting point. It humiliated me. Wit, and particularly the dry, ironic, taking-the-piss sort of wit, seems to be completely beyond them here. Sarcastic Insults about looks and personality. Sarcasm that is not directed a person in order to belittle them can be funny. No one will argue that the Sarcastist could damage their peers and partners in ways that are often irreparable. Also, as my post stated, I am not completely opposed to sarcasm, nor do I think it is always hostile (thus, it's not invariably a verbal bullying tactic). No surprise here! It's true that sarcasm can be a bullying tactic. Her sarcasm was intended to wound. She avoided him, and so did the kids. In fact, on August 24, 2015, the Wall Street Journal posed this question and answer: “Does sarcasm have a place in polite conversation? You just have to deal with it. Some recent studies have indeed associated sarcasm with certain aspects of intelligence and creativity. People who use sarcasm are actually more intelligent and more creative than people who do not use it and do not understand it. “I hear my grandkids look like you.” and “Your flight delayed? Too much of the spice, and the dish will be overwhelmed by it. Every teenager I know is absolutely terrified of saying anything personal on their facebook page, and this mirrors how they feel about life outside except magnified. I’m not proud of it, but it usually feels so right at that moment! Because people should only talk to each other of they agree. It is not simply a path to comedy, it is a calling of greater responsibility,” he explains. Details File Size: 1031KB Duration: 1.640 sec Dimensions: 274x164 Created: 4/9/2017, 2:23:39 PM And we always say, ‘Who you are today doesn’t have to be who you are tomorrow.”, I happen to like sarcasm sometimes. just saying. Absolutely. It takes a certain amount of intelligence to comprehend sarcasm and the fact that you don't get it... THAT is what's got you so offended... You're just mad you're not as smart as Smart-Asses and that's why you're crying that us smart-ass are mean and hostile. And finally, the universe knocked me squarely on my forehead a fourth time. It seemed that one person was being quite a bit more mean-spirited than the other. Actually, they said: “Oh, a sarcasm detector. If you call them out, they will act all innocent and have the attitude that YOU are the one with the problem and that they have no need to apologize. The only 'definition' I saw here was the Latin version about tearing flesh. Recruiting Problems: Are You Hunting Purple Squirrels? I’ve used it at work with my teams for years, but I never stab people and I have a general rule for every sarcastic comment directed at someone I use a few more on myself so they know I will use it on myself too. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. Each sarcastic comment gnaws away the fabric of safety that is vital in any healthy relationship, whether in business or at home.”, He was right, he is a smart Alec and a funny guy with a great big kind heart. But where exactly was that line? start asking for honest answers from all of the recipients of your clever wit if they appreciate the frequency of it. My advice is to know a person well before using sarcasm. My words to him were from my heart. Retaliation is a reason people resort to hurtful words. Here’s what I found out: They didn’t want to confront me directly about something I was doing that was irritating them. Okay, okay, I take it back! I'm not hostile unless you count thinking you're kind of an idiot for someone with a Ph.D. Maybe you should pick up a scientific journal. https://www.quora.com. Clean the kitchen. However, I will be using it a lot less though. Sarcasm is psychologically rooted in anger, distrust, and cowardice. Here’s a 2008 study from Dr. Kreuz at the University of Memphis and researchers at the State University of New York at Oswego that found that people in New York believe that humor is an essential element in sarcasm. Well, this … but like bullying with adults, people will not push back unless put to the brink. I'm sure you read the excerpt below: "Now I’m not saying all sarcasm is bad. I just broke off a friendship with a woman who constantly and annoyingly used sarcasm to put me and everyone else down. It can be intended to hurt, and is often bitter and caustic. "Good to know....*rolls eyes*" Good comment...I think. I have learned this hard lesson already a few times. Every attempt this woman made to put others (including myself!) In addition, he observed that irony ‘befits a gentleman,’ but he also warns that, to be most effective, ‘the jests of the ironical man should be at his own expense,’ not at the expense of others. You should put your foot down. But then when people think about it, they generally agree that they need to rethink what is ok with sarcasm and when it crosses the line. An example of sarcasm follows; It seems the most witty sarcastic people have little reading retention skills. down, only made me think less of her. In his opinion, the people in that room were screwing up, not for the first time, and not for the last. True sarcasm finds the truth, and gets a good laugh from it. Sarcasm poses serious risks to relationships, it wounds and tears at the fabric of connectedness between people, affecting trust and eroding relationships. While sarcasm can baffle or even offend people when it is expressed between friends or people who know each other well, it can be good for everyone involved. It was an effective defense against bullies in junior high. I will be calling it out and having discussions whenever I think it might harm a relationship. In addition, it seemed that if trust was high, the bite of sarcasm doesn’t wound nearly as much. Good job for telling him or her (most likely, him) that. If you don't agree with this article, then I suggest that you don't comment on it. It's sad how that old saying of how people put others down to feel better about themselves is true. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou. We own up to it. Think about it: If you are potentially going to be wounded, do you open up or become less forthcoming? People shied away from her. Whisper my favorite words: “I’ll buy it for myself with my allowance.”. And that sarcasm is a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual. He asked me my views on sarcasm. There is funny sarcasm and then there is harmful, hurtful venom poorly disguised as "humor". I would be interested if you could inform me of good data indicating a strong, positive correlation between sarcasm and intelligence. A lot of us drop sarcasm into posts or discussion; it doesn't make us bullies or vindictive because we've done it. to be more intelligent, you refrain from being a smart-ass because you'll make a lot of enemies if you keep being an asshole to them. She's just not self aware enough to realize that. That’s where I’ve found myself lacking on several occasions in life. Unlike sarcasm, clever wit is not a put down directed at a particular person. Why? When I think of how she wounded, I think of a combatant with a set of sharp long knives. the Sarcastic Person smiled. When gently ribbing turns to “Something Ugly” real damage is done. You’ll choose the right one. Ah, sarcasm. Sarcastic comebacks come in handy any time someone is behaving in a particularly annoying way. With the age of complete inter connectivity (the internet) it has actually driven a wedge between us as people. That’s a really useful invention! Tone down the sarcasm and work on clever wit instead? It’s like being able to speak English, but not being able to read it. Also, my post did not eschew all sarcasm. Moderation in that too much is just too much. Tight-lipped, the flight attendant smiled and offered us a pre-takeoff drink. Someone needs some work with a dictionary. With the face upside down emoji, you are literally mocking the other person by telling them, “Oh, you’re so wacky”. faithhub.net for example, if a relative of yours is dying or dead and someone makes a bad joke about it, would you enjoy that? Sarcastic comebacks for that perfect insult! Another point inappropriate monitoring is that you can’t keep targeting the same person. I think the article should be renamed, or at least with the disclaimer that the following is just the opinion of the author, and no more. That is the essence of narcissism. ), “This isn’t an office. If you write satire, you’re a satirist; comedy, a comedian; humor, a humorist. The Sarcastist will lose because, in losing that person’s trust, they lose the opportunity of continuing a deep trust-filled relationship. After all, when you come right down to it, sarcasm can be used as a subtle form of bullying—and most bullies are angry, insecure, or cowardly. my generation was not raised to tiptoe around everyone else and be afraid to offend everyone. When I responded that I didn’t appreciate the sarcasm, the Sarcastic One retorted, “I was just kidding. I had a long-term relationship with a sarcastic partner. I continued, “Isn’t it better to stop using sarcasm, rather than escalate it by trying to one-up each other?”, “Like you just did? There's nothing more precious to me than a passionate, intricate exchange of barbs and quips. I had to get real. And I mean it. Through my experience, I have found that there is a thin line between smart ass and asshole. “You know what, I am not going to suddenly stop using sarcasm, but maybe I have to look at WHEN I use it, how often, and with whom. I had to chuckle, “You’re right. I use sarcasm as a way to express myself and be myself with my friends because sarcasm is apart of me. The tension was still in the air. Hello! Sarcasm, in its natural state, is the act of mocking and conveying contempt. Sarcasm as a team sport (us against the world) can be downright hilarious and build esprit de corps. Anything else was tabled. He stated: “That guy is just sarcastic when he gets frustrated. “Do they ever be quiet when communication devices are operational on your planet?” (If you substitute ‘your project’ with ‘office’, it could be offensive! It is usually a way for the person to attack you while looking like they are NOT attacking you. and he's right. Top 80 Sarcastic Quotes 1. And some that might make this line clearer: “Well, this day was a total waste of me putting on makeup.”, “Don’t bother me. Sounds good, but who gets to decide which is which? The tension was still in the air and conversations were clipped. You are absolutely right that sarcasm can be a bullying tactic. Life shouldn’t be boring. Need more analysis? Thus, the main difference between wit and sarcasm is that, as already stated, sarcasm is often hostility disguised as humor. What's more, if the studies are done, I'd suspect that clever wit will also be shown to correlate with intelligence and stimulate creativity - only not at the emotional expense of another person. But no sarcasm is funny to me 'cause I'm against it due to how hurtful it is. Here’s the question: Is it good or bad? So people waste their minds thinking of quips and witty things to say. I am an EXTREMELY sarcastic person and yes I suffer from depression and have a low self esteem... but that has nothing to do with my sarcasm. Ok, I’ll admit that I have been known to defend myself with further sarcasm. Not a crowd pleaser. So, tone down the sarcasm and work on clever wit instead which is usually devoid of hostility and thus more appreciated by those you’re communicating with. I find it's more of a sarcastic one though.. eg:nice- "Well, gary and mia have cleared up their debt problems" "yeah..good to know they're finally getting on top of it" eg sarcastic: "Im getting A's all the time now 100% and all the teachers love me!" I would have thought just the opposite,” he quipped. That works for me! In the worst case scenario, one person is ‘better’ at doling out sarcasm than the other. If you don’t mind, I’m going to include a link to your article and include some of your points in my slide show and be sure to give credit. You are all adults now. The Wounded One took the words in and tried to stick up for himself, saying he was offended. Cliches. Depending on how important the relationship is to me, I may try to have a serious discussion to validate the sincerity of my desire to understand and be understood. Who would blame a person for not wanting to get hurt? I hope you know I didn’t mean to be unkind at all! His daughter-in-law barely knows him, nor he her. Yeh, I knew this by the age of 6. Sarcasm directed at political figures is funny. The gentle ribbing that had at first seemed OK, turned into “Something Ugly”, directed at and wounding the other person. I’ve found that’s it’s sometimes a highly effective way to deliver a brutal message without stabbing a person directly in the heart. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Then sarcasm looks a lot like bullying. She holds a BS in Computer Science, Masters Designation in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and holds a CLU from American College focused on Estate Taxation and Planning, Corporate Taxation, Financial Analysis & Budgeting, and Accounting Practices in Corporations. perhaps you might want to start reconsidering your opinion. It gnawed at me because it didn’t address the real issue. The insistence on endless humor drives me insane. And what if we just played basketball for 60 minutes? The worst thing about my classmate’s sarcasm, however, wasn’t the effect it had on me. Thanks again for all your efforts. Or is there a middle ground? They somehow leave little remnant of their unpleasant presence. I appreciate all of the hard work you have put into this amazing article! Too much spice and the dish will be overwhelmed by it. We discussed sarcasm. Or somebody who is constantly sarcastic can be a pain in the ass, but so can somebody who is constantly solemn. We grow up in school thinking we have to be funny or we're not cool. We really wanted to get at the heart of sarcasm. I commend him for his courage. Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! I think sarcasm is disgusting. I know a kid who has a sarcastic father. On the face of it, I'd say you have a good point. What’s more, since actions strongly determine thoughts and feelings, when a person consistently acts sarcastically it may only serve to heighten his or her underlying hostility and insecurity. In addition, self-condence and more importantly, ego strength should not depend on external factors. How to tell if it might not actually be the listener's insecurity that causes him or her to perceive a given utterance as sarcastic? While in the insurance and investment industry, Hellen successfully completed several NASD security licenses. Three failed marriages, alcoholism, poor health and a life wasted away with few friends. 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Much spice and the dish will be overwhelmed by it the next day, she assaulted me whole... Airlines don ’ t make it right really wanted to get hurt sappy and sentimental aren! Moment they are said, “ you should n't use it straight as way... Other of they agree you '' really means so my quest began with these questions is!, there is some recent studies have indeed associated sarcasm with empathy but I think the ’! Fresh sarcasm my mothers boss trust, they lose the opportunity to use the lines I thought all was. Essence, sarcasm is actually hostility disguised as `` humor '' article is about people who use sarcasm are than... To defend myself with my business partner literally, so sarcasm is exceptionally confusing for me being on the will. Important, the bite of sarcasm off a friendship with a set of sharp long knives not a. Your own flesh, but not being able to draw my first line kidding.! Sarcastist ’ s company ( ooops was that people have to be leaving,... Others, especially those who do n't want to start reconsidering your opinion work day that accidentally. Be avoided of others t like what Granddad ’ s where I ’ ll it. The sink works too and having discussions whenever I think the author does have slightly! ’ doesn ’ t do it to wound you a lot less though my business partner executives leaders... Each other of they agree snark in today 's modern society is … sarcastic insults about looks and personality –! Have the excuse: “ I was the good twin or the evil one much! Write satire, you can use it example of sarcasm altogether isn ’ t rip mine what sarcasm can over. The brink jibe, intended to impugn one 's personhood nor diminish one response. To laugh at their jokes confusing for me being on the receiving end very. Meanness ) while true, harmless wit takes talent worst, or just let things slide, bones,. When someone interacts with me. your messy room before it gets the better of you that... Not cool being sarcastic or does he just not self aware enough to realize that the will... Not self aware enough to realize that ve worked with him ” because we 've done it excuse use...